It is a rite of passage which allows you to acknowledge a death and to gain comfort from the support of family and community. It is a time to collect and renew memories, to cry and laugh over past times and have a focus for the immediate days ahead. It also allows you to fulfil the wishes of your loved one if they have expressed certain preferences for the service. Hopefully, it will be a ceremony that you can look back on with pride and comfort in the feeling that you did all you could to say that loving and respectful goodbye.
There are many options available. When someone has died a Funeral Director (chosen by you) will collect the person and will look after him/her until the day of the funeral. You will be able to visit in the intervening days and will be offered different choices as to; location, transport on the day, flowers, a Celebrant or Minister and printing services for an Order of Service. This is the booklet which some families distribute at a funeral to show the order of events and which contains photographs, poetry, hymns or readings and details of charitable donations and the wake after the ceremony.
Your Funeral Director will also be a valuable source of advice for certain important tasks such as registering a death, contacting all the relevant authorities and posting notices in the local press.
This is a service which takes place at a local crematorium. I have conducted funerals at all local ones: Blackburn Pleasington, Accrington, Burnley, Skipton, Preston and Morecambe and Lancaster but of course there are others further afield. It can contain the whole ceremony or can follow a church service. Your Funeral Director will take care of transport and your Celebrant or Minister will meet you at the crematorium.
The actual content usually lasts about twenty-five or thirty minutes (unless you book a double service). Ashes can be collected soon afterwards and some families hold a ceremony some time later to have these interred or scattered. Of course some families prefer to do this themselves in private. A crematorium service can always be followed by a graveside burial, in the actual cemetery or even somewhere else.
A burial will either include the whole service or will follow a ceremony in a local crematorium or church. Some families prefer a burial because they know that their loved one will be close to other members of the family who have died before. Because of the outside location and the lack of seating, a burial is often a little shorter than a cremation and does not have the same music or slide show facilities. However, some families like to use the wake afterwards as an opportunity to play favourite songs and to show pictures.
This is a burial that takes place in a natural setting, usually attached to a local cemetery. This is a greener option and is growing in popularity. A natural burial provides a very quiet and peaceful place to visit afterwards in a beautiful setting. Different options are available such as tree planting a few months later or (if allowed) a small plaque to mark the space. Your Funeral Director will take care of all transport needs to the chosen area.
Local woodland/natural burial sites can be found at:
This is when a person is taken directly from the Funeral Directors to a crematorium. There is no service and no family is present. It avoids any planning of a full funeral and is usually much less expensive. This type of funeral should not be dismissed. It all depends on the circumstances both financial and personal. For some, it is exactly the right choice.
Click here to find a list of your local funeral directors.
This will depend entirely on your personal beliefs and on those of the person who has died. A Celebrant is someone who can create a funeral to contain exactly those elements that you want and the emphasis is very much on celebrating the life that has been lived and using those memories to honour the person who has died. There is a very flexible use of music, poetry and readings. The service can contain some religious aspects or none at all or a bit of both. The choice is entirely up to you.
A Minister will follow the funeral service recommended by his/her particular faith. It will include religious readings, hymns, prayers and usually, a tribute.
To create the perfect service for you and your family your Celebrant or Minister will visit you, usually at your home or a venue of your choosing to discuss every aspect of the service.
Usually you choose up to three or four pieces of music, songs or hymns, one for the entrance, one in the middle for a period of reflection and one at the end for the final song. Other music can be included particularly if you are having a double service. All the local crematoriums have the services of a huge digital library which can source nearly every song ever published. You do not need to supply your own CDs.
Sometimes families like to have someone they know who will sing or for someone to play a favourite piece of music. An organist can also be requested.
At some point in the service there is nearly always a tribute or eulogy. This can be delivered by members of the family or by your Celebrant/Minister or by both. Having met the family to discuss everything, I always send a draft copy of the service I have written so that you and your family can ask for any changes you want. This can go between us several times until you are absolutely happy with the content.
Poems or favourite readings are often chosen and can be fitted into the service wherever you prefer.
There is usually a moment during the service for the farewell or committal. This is where you, your family and your friends will say goodbye to the person who has died. There are many different options for the wording of this and your Celebrant or Minister will follow your wishes on this matter.
During the pandemic services were often filmed because of the limited numbers allowed in the chapel and this custom has continued if it is requested. It is very comforting for family and friends who cannot attend to feel fully involved in the service by watching on a live link or even later.
If you need any more help or advice them please contact me.
